In the previous post, I discussed a recently published study by Julie M. Albright regarding the cybersex patterns of a large sample of Americans. In addition to asking respondents about whether they had viewed erotic images and videos online and the effect it had on them, the survey also asked whether they had discussed sexual topics online, whether they met someone in person, and whether they had sought a long-term romantic relationship with someone they met online.
Majorities of both women (55%) and men (58%) in the study reported that they had logged on to a personals site at least once. Slightly lower proportions–43% of women and 46% of men–had actually created a profile with a photo of themselves on such a site. Large proportions of individuals who had never been married (53%) or who were divorced (59%) had created a profile with a photo. Possibly somewhat surprisingly, 27% of married individuals had done so as well. This means that over a quarter of married people had gone online to advertise their attributes to others who are interested in meeting someone for a romantic or sexual relationship.
Moreover, 63% of married people in the survey reported that they had communicated by e-mail with at least one person they met on the personals website. An equal proportion (63%) had actually met at least one individual in person. Taking into account the marital status of individuals, 76% of never-married and 82% of divorced respondents had met at least one cyber partner in person. Furthermore, 36% of married respondents indicated that they had met one cyber partner in person, while approximately 30% had met two or more individuals in person. Women reported e-mailing and meeting more people in person than did men.
You might wonder about the motivations for communicating with people online or meeting them in person. Women and men were not different in terms of reporting that they were just curious or just browsing. Married people were half as likely as those who had never been married to indicate that they were simply curious or were just browsing as the reason for logging on to a personals site. Divorced and never-married individuals reported this reason in about the same higher proportions compared to married individuals. In contrast, never-married individuals were two times more likely to say that they visited these websites to engage in sexual chat than were married or divorced people. So, if they were neither simply curious nor interested in sexual chat in the case of married respondents, what were married people interested in? Both married and divorced people were four times more likely to say they wanted to “date for fun” than were never-married individuals.
What did individuals end up doing as a result of visiting personals websites? Actually, relatively small proportions of the survey participants actually connected with their cyber partners: 17% of women and 11% of men went on a date as a result of their online visits, 15% of women and 14% of men engaged in casual sex with someone they met online, 7% of women and 5% of men had a discreet affair, and 12% of women and 4% of men became involved in a committed relationship.
On a final note, who do you think was more likely to seek a serious romantic relationship by visiting sexually oriented personals sites, single people or divorced people? Believe it or not, married heterosexual individuals were five and a half times as likely to be on the hunt for a serious relationship compared to singles; they were also more likely to go on a date with someone they had met on a sex-related website. Moreover, divorced individuals were three and half times more likely than never-married individuals to want a serious relationship.
What is Albright’s interpretation of this rather surprising finding? “Perhaps people already married or in committed relationships are unhappy and are ‘testing the waters’ to see if an attractive other would respond to them online, allowing them to transition out of the marriage” (p. 184). In other words, people who are unhappy in their marriage may be trying to find a romantic partner to replace their spouse if they decide to leave the marriage, or to give them a substantial reason to finally get out. One point to keep in mind, however, is that the married individuals were probably dissatisfied in the relationship already and, even without the internet, would have been searching for romantic and sexual partners in other ways.
Albright, J. M. (2008). Sex in America online: An exploration of sex, marital status, and sexual identity in Internet sex seeking and its impacts. Journal of Sex Research, 45, 175-186.
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I think this post is very interesting, and in a way seems to make sense. I have had friends actually go onto sex chats just to see what it was all about as well as go to craigslist and look under there. They are more or less just messing around and if someone would ask to meet up with them they probably would have freaked out. Married couples being 5 1/2 times more likely to try and find a relationship shocks me that there are that many unhappy people that will publicly look for another spouse. At the same time I agree with the author saying that they would like to replace their spouse. The reason I agree is because many people that are married do not want to take that risk of being lonely and may be comfortable around their spouse. For an example, someone very close to me was extremely unhappy and was going to end their relationship after being together for 6 unhappy years, but was scared that they would never find anyone. I dont think they ever visited a sex web chat but I can see where some spouses would be afraid of not having a spouse. It also goes along with how divorced people are the second most likely looking for a relationship, however I dont know if I was looking for an actual relationship that I would be on the sex chats looking for someone, but thats just me.
This is a very interesting topic. I believe that we are just scratching the surface on studying the internet and what insights it can give to the human mind. The research in the article brings up the notion that married individuals seek partners out on the internet because they are dissastisfied with their current partner. I don't know if that is necessarily true and question if it can be inferred from the results of the study. I think that the results, while shocking, may be under reported. I don't trust studies that require self-reporting. Self-reporting studies often include bias even when done anonymously. I believe that marriage is difficult even amongst two highly compatible people. I believe that humans are designed with the "instinct" to pro-create and that the institution of monogamy goes against that biological "grain". This in turn creates conflict within the individual which is not easily resolved. I don't believe that it is necessarily dissatisfaction that draws individuals to seek out new partners but rather it is a function of biology. However, this does not mean that every committed individual will seek out a new partner, but rather that an individual who doesn't has disciplined him or herself not to.
With regards to the internet, I believe that it is a medium in which a committed individual can seek out a new partner in response to his or her biology without feeling guilt for going against the societal restraint of monogamy. The internet is impersonal and provides the indivivual seeking new partners with a shield from the glare of societal expecatations. When a person finds a sex chat room or an adult personal site they are reassured that everyone else on the site is there for the same reasons they are. This allows the individual to feel part of a group and asuage their own feelings of guilt or shame by being part of that group. This in turn lowers inhibitions and permits the individual to proceed where they might have not before. I believe that this can lead some to venture out of cyber-space into the real world because of reiforcement from the group and individual contact. Individuals not involved in a committed relationship do not need the group association as justification for partner-seeking activity therefore they do not rely on the "shield" of the internet as heavily as the individual in a committed relationship.
Just my two cents.
I can understand to a certain degree why people go onto personals cites and engage in “fantasy relationships” especially if the person is unhappy or dissatisfied in their current relationship. I would have to agree with Albright in that while the internet does add a lot of convenience to the dating ritual, it is not necessarily the cause. Take for instance a woman (this is not a personal example) who does not think her significant other finds her sexually attractive because whenever she attempts to initiate sexual activities, the significant other rejects her. This leads the woman to having self-confidence issues, which women generally have anyway. In order to boost her confidence, she obtains a profile on a dating-type website or chat room and engages in one or more fantasy relationships with people who express interest in her. This boosts her confidence and encourages her to either confront her significant other with the problem or problems in their relationship or to seek out a different partner. However, I am of the opinion that this sort of behavior constitutes as infidelity in marital or serious-commitment relationships. I do understand that people can become unhappy or dissatisfied but the couple should look to counseling or at least communicating the issue, not seeking out fantasy relationships that could possibly do more damage to the already fragile relationship.
I would have to agree with the previous respondent, in that the internet is a very interesting and still very new way of seeing into a person’s hidden self. Also, further exploration and research in this field is not only needed but also probably very likely to come about soon. This is an extraordinary topic and research article which has been mentally and emotionally provoking.
I like the example Christie left about a woman not feeling confident and looking for someone to just boost up her self-esteem. Ironically enought I was talking to one of my friends who actually said something along those lines. A girl was stringing him along and he finally got tired of it and he said that he just needed to go out and find someone to boost his self-esteem. These sites seem to make easier than ever to just find someone who wants to have sex. There sites that want to find "love" like match.com and then theres sites that are just to have sex like adultfriendfinder.com. Some of these sites can make people start to wander and become curious. In some cases a partner's curiousity could get the best of them and try it out. I think these sites could give a person a little push to go try cyber sex or even sex, for the ones who have considered it.
I found the data incorporated in Albright’s article very interesting. The situations she describes are in many ways related to my own life. I met my husband on a Catholic Website, St.Raphael (now CatholicMatch.com), and we are happily married for almost five years. Nobody truly believed that our relationship was going to survive so long since he lived in the U.S. and I came from Poland. (I think that we both agree that we are glad that they were wrong). When I joined a dating website I was not interested in getting married (or maybe I just was not aware of it at the time). I also was not interested in sex-chat and this "religion-based" website did not encourage their members in this type of behavior. I just wanted to chat with people just like me. Soon enough I discovered that it was almost impossible to talk to women since they were in many ways "competing" for the available men. I met many wonderful people and some friendships lasted months but it was not until two years after I joined this website that I met Justin. Albright comments on married people joining similar websites, and I need to admit that sometimes I miss talking to different people, but there are no websites that I know of that would allow me to meet people, especially men, only as friends. The "purely friends" websites do not seem to exist. I would think that some people would want to meet friends, and if the internet can be a good place to meet your spouse, why not just friends? I think that it comes down to a question from the movie, "When Harry Met Sally:" Can a man be friends with a woman without sex? I also agree with some of the other posts that the internet may be a safe way to meet people who are looking to fulfill some aspects that are missing in their relationships or in themselves (like looking for confirmation of one’s attractiveness). I think that from a religious point of view, even an innocent chat may be considered "cheating," since it may lead to a meeting and then to an actual affair. In fact Oprah had a special on people who were "cheating" on their spouses online. The audience (mostly women) gasped in rage when a man admitted to cheating on his wife online. I think that an article like this one opens a Pandora’s Box which full of various ideas about sexuality and what society sees as right and wrong.
I think one of the more interesting aspects of cyber dating and cyber sex is the fact that the relationship begins on a less personal level because of the lack of physical contact. No matter how many pictures or facts a person posts about themselves on a website, you do not truly get a feeling for a person until you meet them face to face. For those people who are less skilled in relationships or have been divorced, I can see how this less personal meeting would be more advantageous for them in order to become involved in a relationship or give themselves the opportunity to start a new one. The search for a sexual partner in our lives can be difficult at times, so this degree of anonymity in finding a new relationship can be a comforting environment for those in the realm of cyber space before they actually enter into the sexual relationship. This anonymous relationship can allow individuals to understand each other better on a cognitive and emotional level before becoming involved in a physical relationship with that person, whether that physical contact is by cyber sex or in a personal meet. What surprises me though is the number of married people who are putting themselves out there in the cyber world in order to meet people. The fact that married heterosexual individuals were five and a half times as likely to be searching for a serious relationship compared to singles is staggering to me. I can understand how some of those individuals are not happy in their relationships and are exploring their opinions for other relationships, but the appearance of this searching for a new relationship indicates that the married individual is surrendering their current relationship. A problem for me though stems from the fact that I have never been married and I simply don’t understand the pressures that are involved in a marriage situation. While I can understand the longing for a relationship with more intimate physical contact, I do not think promoting yourself in cyberspace for intimacy is a healthy way to deal with a problem relationship.
Interesting to say the least. I never would have thought the numbers for people looking at sites for personals and even a life long partener would be as they were in the article. I guess the one that shocked me the most is the married people who are looking for someone else while they are still with their spouse at the moment. I mean wouldn't it be easier to split up then worry about being single, that way in the end it doesn't look as though you cheated on them to find another. Another thing that suprises me the amount of divorced individuals that looked for someone on the site. It seems to me that they would want to find people in person since they have already had a marriage that didn't work for what ever reason that would be. The one thing that I don't understand is why would you want to go on a site were you don't know if the people are being honest about themselves or even posting a picture that is actually of themselves. I think if I was looking for a new partner I would do it more in person for fear of safety.
At first I was amazed at how many of the people that visited these online personal sites were married people. Then I thought about how many marriages end up in divorce and was not as shocked. By going online maybe the person thought that it would not count as cheating as much as the actual physical act would. Some people classify their partner’s viewing of erotica as a form of cheating while other couples engage in this act together as a form of foreplay or rather to get them in the "mood." As far as the single and divorced people are concerned I would have thought these numbers would have been higher than those of the married people. With today's fast track world it seems as though people do not have the time to get out and meet people and online personal ads or cybersex spots would be one ay of easing the loneliness that one might feel when they are no longer with their companion or have been unsuccessful in finding a companion.
I find the discussion about Albright’s research very intriguing and there are so many different aspects to it. I think all the previous posts were very well thought out and had a lot of good points with which I agree. While the findings concerning married individuals and their presence and involvement in these sites is significant they are not all together surprising when you take into account the current divorce rate and studies that have been done on marriage dissatisfaction. One part of her findings that have not been discussed yet are the cases and numbers associated with divorced individuals. This project noted that 82% of divorced individuals had met in person at least one of the people with which they had created an online relationship. That is highest rate among the relationship-status levels which I think may speak to the motivations of those individuals. Of course these are just my thoughts and certainly can’t be blanketed statements but I believe my personal situation may speak to the safety a divorced person may feel in using an online dating site.
I had a similar situation to Sana in that I met my husband on a religion-based website. (Obviously we met in person.) But when I went onto that website and created a profile I had already been divorced and was a single mom. Even though many people have been divorced in general, the high divorce rate is not shared in my religion so I felt the stigma that divorce can carry especially among the conservative church membership, even though the divorce was out of my control (mostly). The internet provided more people to talk to and also gave me a “safety blanket” of sorts with my relationship history. The profiles give you a clear-cut way to eliminate any individuals that would be “turned off” by someone’s divorce or haunted past. For example, if a guy was searching for someone and saw my profile, decided to check it out further but then saw I had been divorced and had a child, it allowed them to immediately move on without me even knowing. Instead consider the traditional dating (in person) situation and the implications that carries. First, there is the stress of “when do I tell him about my divorce? ...my child? Will they understand or automatically think I’m not a good person?” Second, you run the risk of once you tell them that they could become completely disinterested after you’ve invested time and effort in the budding relationship. Finally, even if it is early in the dating, you could feel hurt and rejected which only contributes to the stigma one can feel in their divorced status. These dating websites completely eliminate all of that. I feel this may be one of the reasons that divorced individuals have met their online relationships in person more often than the others.
As a side note, I find it interesting that there is such a disparity between the percentage of men and women who have met someone one from their online relationships in person (17% of women and 11% of men went on a date with someone from their online activities). Because those 17% of women had to be going on dates with someone but only 11% of men went on date. So who were the remaining 6% of women going out with? I suppose a portion of that number could represent women dating women; however, it could also speak to the point Adam made about self-reporting studies.
I thought the article was very interesting in the fact that the many people don’t want to go out and try to find their perfect match. When all they have to do know a days is get on the internet and type in what you want and they do all the work for you. For a lot of people it is more convenient to get on the internet and try and find someone. On the other end if all you want is a quick fix you can find that also. I was surprised on how many married people got on the web sites but I do believe that we are only human. I think we always wonder if our perfect match is out there somewhere. I also believe that it is a way if someone is unhappy in their relationship to find what makes them happy. In likewise I think some people like to have the next person in line before they move on.
The findings of Albright’s study on internet dating and singles sites were very alarming. I couldn’t believe that over thirty percent of married people had met one or more people from online chatting while they were married, or even the fact that they filled out profiles to begin with. Although, I do have to agree with Janelle that with divorce rates on the rise it shouldn’t really be as big of a shock that married people had high percentages. In my opinion, the internet has made the definition of cheating much more complicated. By this I mean that years ago when the internet wasn’t as popular or even before it existed, people couldn’t “search” for other people behind a computer screen they had to actually go out in public face to face. Obviously, if they then met someone and started a romantic relationship or causal sexual relationship they were clearly cheating on their significant other. However, now they could simply have a “fantasy relationship” in which they never meet and don’t actually engage in any physical contact that would constitute as infidelity. But isn’t this still cheating? I think the internet has created a way for people to cheat emotionally and get away with it. I’ve never gone on a single site and don’t think I’ll ever need to, but they are good for people who use them as a means to find others like Sana did with her husband. Unfortunately, with married people searching for people to start relationships, it hurts the odds for singles and divorcees to actually find a real relationship. But going back to married people searching singles sites, I understand that at times people are in bad marriages and are unsure if there is someone else out there for them. In this case I’m not as put off by their behavior, but if someone feels their marriage is bad enough that they are trying to look for someone else, they need to get divorced and free of that relationship before looking for another.
Reading the post “Sex in the Cyber World Becomes Sex in the Real World” actually hit a personal note for me. My boyfriend’s aunt and uncle met online through a dating service, and she actually moved to Indiana from Toronto. This couple is happily married, and they now have a young son.
The statistics regarding married individuals visiting such sites are alarming! Of those who are married and frequent such sites, the number of those who engage in an extramarital affair was equally disturbing. Those who were “just curious” may or may not have had malicious intentions; this study cannot know for sure. The post by Christie was an interesting take on this issue. I’m sure that many sites are actually there to help people find potential long-term partners, but some—like adultfriendfinder.com—are there just for “hook-ups” or short-term dating. Sites like these may be for people who are either just interested in sex or who are, like Christie said, trying to boost their self-esteem.
Many people do not consider online dating to be a serious issue, and I think that may be why so many married people join these sites. As was previously stated, some people may not think of meeting with others as “cheating,” but rather just getting to know someone else. This may or may not be an important factor in determining the future divorce rate.
Television commercials for dating websites portray their product as a way for people to meet their soul mates. We are bombarded with testimonials from supposed customers about how they found love and marriage through whatever website the commercial is trying to pitch.
I enjoyed this article because it put statistics to what I had already thought: Many people use dating sites to find sexual partners, not life partners. Even Facebook has a "Random Play" option under the "Looking For:" section.
According to the data presented in the study, 15% of women and 14% of men engaged in casual sex with someone they met online. These numbers are higher than those of people who end up in the committed relationships shown in the television commercials (12% of women and 4% of men).
I cannot help but wonder about the reasons behind these statistics. The population of the study, people who use dating websites, may be a factor. For example, people who use dating websites may be more likely to engage in casual sex than the general population (including both those who use these dating websites and those who do not). However, the people who use dating websites could also be just as likely or less likely to be looking for casual sex than the general population.
It would be interesting to see how the population used in this study would compare to a different population, such as people single people on a college campus. I feel that it is too easy to say this group is different than any other in terms of their feelings toward casual sex.
I was really surprised to hear that over a quarter of individuals had listings online to attract others who were interested in a relationship. I was even more suprised to hear that nearly two-thirds had also met someone online in person which is interesting considering these people claim they are merely online out of curiousity or to browse. It was interesting that women were more likely to meet in person than men. I would have assumed the opposite especially if the men were interested in a sexual relationship. At the end of the article, I did like how the author wanted to point out that these individuals probably would have searched for relationships elsewhere if not on the internet because they were already unhappy with their current relationship. I feel that the internet simply makes it easier for individuals to move on when in an unstable relationship.
If find it interesting that individuals in an unstable relationship would seek to find other people through an online dating service. Why would they be more willing to pursue another relationship rather than rebuild or fix the one they currently possess? The anonymity of online dating certainly is the strongest appeal for it, considering that the married men in the sample were five and a half times more likely to seek out a sexual onlline relationship, but why would these men not consider the possiblity of correcting whatever problems were in their marriage?
I would also wonder if married men were more likely than singles to hunt out online relationships because they weren’t seeking a new relationship as much as a sexual release; some marriages may become less and less sex-oriented over time, and males may seek to satiate their libido through whatever (anonymous) means necessary. Perhaps these men were also under the belief that they could somehow continue their married relationship while secretly maintaining a side relationship. The men may want relief from marital distresses such as nagging, but they also want to maintain their marriage in the hopes that it will not ultimately fail. Overall the article was very interesting, and it seems that the heterosexual married men in the sample may have entered into a relationship without fully considering the ramifications of the (implied) permanence of marriage.
In today's society, I can't say that I am at all surprised by what this particular study found. Divorvce rates soaring, nearing or at 50%, individuals not happy with their partners, either sexually or emotionally, are looking to fill the void. Luckily for these people the internet is a way for exploration and in most cases, a safe way to look at the menu, so to speak. I was a bit astonished by the differences in the numbers between never married individuals, married individuals, and divorced individuals. I didn't think that there would be the difference that was was cited. I figured that by rading the article that the numbers would be fairly universal, or if anything that the divorced and never married individuals numbers would have been higher that those of married individuals. I do agree that in the married indivduals that in most cases unhappiness is the root, and while they may or may not want out of their marriage a coping mechanism for them is to fill the void that is being neglected by their spouse. Right, wrong, or indifferent, it's reality and unfortunately it is only going to get worse. Society has legitimized these types of behaviors, that is evident by the divorce rate. With societal approval and the idea of marriage in question as it is, couples in monogomous relationships that are having troubles look for the easy road out, rather than acting like adults and working through issues that may erect themselves within their homes and relationships.
In today's society, I can't say that I am at all surprised by what this particular study found. Divorvce rates soaring, nearing or at 50%, individuals not happy with their partners, either sexually or emotionally, are looking to fill the void. Luckily for these people the internet is a way for exploration and in most cases, a safe way to look at the menu, so to speak. I was a bit astonished by the differences in the numbers between never married individuals, married individuals, and divorced individuals. I didn't think that there would be the difference that was was cited. I figured that by rading the article that the numbers would be fairly universal, or if anything that the divorced and never married individuals numbers would have been higher that those of married individuals. I do agree that in the married indivduals that in most cases unhappiness is the root, and while they may or may not want out of their marriage a coping mechanism for them is to fill the void that is being neglected by their spouse. Right, wrong, or indifferent, it's reality and unfortunately it is only going to get worse. Society has legitimized these types of behaviors, that is evident by the divorce rate. With societal approval and the idea of marriage in question as it is, couples in monogomous relationships that are having troubles look for the easy road out, rather than acting like adults and working through issues that may erect themselves within their homes and relationships.
In this Study by Julie M. Albright the result are somewhat be expected as shown in the study. The number of people accessing internet for sexual purposes has definitely increase in the last several years. Is not surprising to find out that that married heterosexual individuals were five and a half times as likely to be on the hunt for a serious relationship compared to singles persons, because married couple that are unhappy in their marriage is easier to go on-line to try find a date than going out and socializing to try to meet someone of their interest. Although cybersex users experienced profound reactions including betrayal, hurt, rejection, devastation, and loneliness and this could as well be a reason for married individuals to search cybersex. What I thought it was surprising was that there were a higher percentage of women who had casual sex with someone they met on-line than men. I would expect that men would have higher percentages in regards meeting new partners through websites they visit and having casual sex. Another fact that the study showed was that women are better at keeping their affair more discrete that men so does this mean women are more professional at the field of cheating. What is this?
The fact that many of the individuals that were more open to expressing their interest in web dating sites were married surprised me. It does not surprise me that these individuals use such sites, but it does that they would be so open in admitting it. Even if unhappy in a relationship, I believe that married couples still feel a need to cover up their infidelities to protect their reputation.
The fact that internet dating is so easy now-a-days makes me realize why so many people would do it. When you post a personal, you can say (and omit) anything you want about yourself and pick out the best picture that you own of yourself. Those that are married do not have to say so, and the chances of their significant other finding out go down with the use of the internet.
My aunt is a user of internet dating. She can be whom she wants, talk to those that she is interested and ignore those that she is not. She has kids, but does not even have to put that is she does not want to. It gives her a chance to meet all sorts of people from all walks of life. Sure, some people are different than who they say they are online, but that is the chance one takes with internet dating.
This is an interesting study. First off, I am having some confusion with it. Towards the beginning, it says that 27% of married individuals in the study had created a profile on a personals site. However, it doesn’t actually specify whether they had done so prior to marriage. I am assuming that it is implied that they had first created the profile after being married, since that seems to be where the conclusions about unhappy married people looking for new relationship opportunities are drawn from. Otherwise, it is possible that people married at the time of the survey had answered yes, but in reference to a profile made before they had married, and then further questioning would be required to determine if they had still utilized this personals profile after marriage. I hope that this question was more specific on the survey itself, or the researcher’s conclusions could be misguided.
I am also wondering if the survey was specific as to the types of personal sites they were discussing. Did it state that they were asking about sexually oriented sites in particular (or if not, could this have been implied since this same survey had also been asking about viewing erotic images and discussing sexual topics?) If the results encompass dating sites like eHarmony and Match.com as well, then I am more than a little surprised to see that only 11-17% of these people reported actually going on a date. If this is the case, then somebody should get on those sites about false advertising…
As much as I wanted to be surprised by these statistics, I was not. Maybe that makes me cynical, but I have known of people whose significant other has engaged in cyber-infidelity. I think it makes it easier for married people who are feeling unhappy to throw the line out and see if anything bites. It is a lot easier to conceal a connection by computer than it is to get away to the bar on a Tuesday night to meet singles where someone may recognize you. I wonder if people start doing this as a way to boost self-esteem – not consciously intending to cheat in person – but as a way to make themselves feel like they’ve “still got it.” However, I think this is merely a way of rationalizing an intimate connection outside a marriage or other committed relationship.
I agree with the idea that cyber-infidelity may be a way for marrieds to transition out of an unhappy relationship and know that they will still have warmth on the other side of the bed. In a society where infidelity is no foreign concept, it was only a matter of time before the internet became the vehicle for this secretive act. After all, there is nothing new under the sun.
I think this article is very interesting in the fact that the end result seemed to focus on the dissatisfaction of a married relationship. In our society, I feel a lot of relationships are entered in with the beginning idea that there can always be an "escape". Since this thought is already instilled in us, I agree with the author in saying that many people use the internet to find a way out of their relationship. I do agree with the point that people would find other means to get in contact with other potential mates but I do think that the internet does allow an easier access to this. The reason I feel this way is because I think that the internet creates a shield. This shield allows members to secretly and privately scope new options with minimal fear that their current partner will find out. It is a much more passive attempt. Looking or meeting in person would cause this risk of getting caught to heighten and probably lessen the occurrences. Interestingly enough I find these results to be sad. I feel it is sad because we have ultimately lost the idea of commitment and what it means and takes to fulfill. Hopefully one day people can switch their beliefs that something is always greener on the other side.
This particular post needs to be read in conjunction with the post that follows it. A lot of the questions I had were answered in that one. Some of the questions I had were about sample size. This particular post just contained percentages, which can be misleading if the sample size is unknown. The post following it does contain the actual number of people who participated in the survey, which is quite impressive. One thing that I am not totally convinced of is Albright’s interpretation of the findings on married people who hunt for serious relationships on the Internet and actually go out on dates with people whom they meet. Her thoughts are that these people are “testing the waters” to possibly transition out of their marriage. I wonder what her interpretation was based on. Was this an actual question that was asked of the participants? Or was this purely her opinion? Maybe it is possible that these people are just unable to feel good about themselves on their own, so they rely on the attention of others to validate their desirability. I do agree with the final point about how these people might be on the search even if they didn’t have the Internet. This is age-old behavior, and the Internet is just a different vehicle to get people to where they want to go.
Initially I found this article to be somewhat startling in regards to the percentages of married people who were going online looking for either casual sex/dating or a relationship. However, after the point was brought up that these people were already dissatisfied in their relationships and were looking to see if someone found them to be appealing, I guess it all made sense. I was still somewhat disturbed to find that people would undertake this activity while still married, especially since I have had to go through the experience of one parent cheating on another. Based on what my family went through, it would be more beneficial to the rest of the family if the spouses/parents would break-up first before looking for someone new, since there is a lot of trauma and issues that accompany infidelity. However, it would seem to me that these people who are looking for someone else while still married are either too cowardly to initiate the break-up themselves or are too self-involved to want to break-up the marriage, so as not to be stigmatized for initiating the break-up.
I did find, however, that the amount of divorced individuals looking for a new relationship to be reasonable. Many people who are coming out of a marriage liked the constant companionship that they previously had, but it just happened to be with the wrong person.
In todays divorce oriented society I guess that it's not that surprising to me that married people would be online looking for a relationship. If the first one fails try try agian, right? Alhough it's not surprising it is extremely sad that people give up so quickly and look for an immediate outlet. It does make complete sense though that the internet is where a divorcee would first look for a new partner. It's virtually risk free. There is no risk of embarassment if it doesn't work out. You are able to highlight your best qualities and ignore all the others, if you choose. Meeting someone in real life, face to face, could be a potentially nerve racking situation. With the internet a person is able to slowly get to know someone and divulge however much information they choose in a non-hostile environment.
For women, they do not have to worry about any self confidence issues on the internet. A woman does not have to put a picture of her entire body online, but on a real date they would be able to see all of her.
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about online dating or sex sites. I guess it just feels dishonest and cheap. There is no guarantee that the other person is being completely honest with you. In, my opinion these people are not looking for a serious relationship. I think that they just need some attention and the internet is the easiest way to get it.
I agree whole-heartedly with Albright's assessment of why married people were shown to be so interested in seeking serious relationships online. The divorce rate in our society (typically reported to be 40-50%) implies that at least 20% of married people are or will eventually become dissatisfied with their marriage (assuming the minimum: 40% divorce rate, and of that 40%, one dissatisfied partner per marriage). Going along with Rusbult's Investment Model of Relationship Commitment (p. 277 in the textbook), as these people start to perceive that the costs are beginning to outweigh the rewards with respect to the relationship, their satisfaction levels will drop, they will want to invest less into their current relationship, and they will start considering the quality of possible alternatives available to them. What better way to do this than on the Internet? One can (relatively) discreetly fish for new potential partners, and if/when someone happens to bite, and if it is perceived that the rewards of beginning a new relationship with this new person would outweigh the costs of divorcing the current spouse, then a divorce may well follow.
I found this article rather interesting, although not too surprising. I think one of the major motivations for communicating with others online is that people feel this is a safe way of discovering new things, particularly if the person is already in a relationship or married. I could see that a married person would be testing the waters over the internet as opposed to in person because there is much less risk of being caught; also, if a spouse is caught chatting with people on the internet, even in a sexual manner, I think it would be much easier to remedy the situation if the other spouse found out than if the “cheater” had been seeing someone in person. Now I am not claiming that I approve of this behavior, I am simply trying to understand the statistical evidence. I think another motivation would be that communicating over the internet allows for people to be completely open if they wish, and completely fake as well. If people are seriously looking for a committed relationship, perhaps they are not confident with their first impressions and breaking the ice over the internet enables them to get past the first awkward stages. I think this article reveals more than anything a lack of communication between couples. If two people are happy there would be no reason to be sneaking around to try to meet other people; I think this is precisely why single people are less likely to look for a relationship on the internet; their options are open and they have no reason to be deceptive. Sexual relationships are very complex and I think relationships would be more stable if people were open about what they wanted from each other, rather than looking for it somewhere else.
The post makes a lot of valid points which are quite believable. I have known many people that have deviated from their marriage by engaging in online relationships. Some cases are, in fact, people that are in troubled marriages. The privacy of online dating makes it easy to find another relationship secretly and becomes a cause of a number of divorces. However, the motive may not be just from having a troubled marriage, cyber interaction can occur in successful marriages as well. Some people just crave the 'hunt', essentially. The pleasure of seeking and finding is such an excitement that even though one may be perfectly happy with their existing partner, he or she enjoys finding new sexual prospects. Cyber world makes this quite simple and discrete. The explanation that it is five and a half times more likely for a married individual to use cyber dating as a way to make a new relationship than a single individual is not surprising at all. Of course married individuals looking for another partner are going to take the most secretive and anonymous rout. Divorced individuals having a three and a half times more likelihood than a single makes perfect sense as well. The majority of divorced individuals is above their thirties and may have children. Dating in real world becomes chaotic. Also, many people that use cyber dating are in comparing situations. This makes finding people of similar character easy and effective.
I found this very interesting, especially that research found that married heterosexual individuals were five and a half times as likely to be on the hunt for a serious relationship compared to singles. As stated by Albright, I agree that the most likely reason behind this is that the married individuals were trying to "test the water" and transition first through the internet which is less likely to get them into trouble. Because the internet is normally anonymous, as long as you do not give great detail about yourself, married individuals can try things on the internet first and then use the techniques that work on later endeavors outside of the internet. I believe that many people feel more confident on the internet, and rejection is much easier to take on the internet; therefore, people are more likely to try things first and see how things go on the internet, and if things work out they may meet with whom they were speaking with.
Blog #5
Lori Ann Cammllarie
4/29/09
Psy-444
In response to Janelle’s blog on the Sex in Cyber World Becomes sex in the Real World, I thought her insight offered a good point regarding divorced individuals. I can see how there are pros and cons to dating or seeking mates online through various dating services. I thought she made a good observation about stigmas associated with divorce from the religious sector and how that might present a problem for someone on a first date in person. The online service allows someone to browse through profiles and when he/she finds someone that looks like a compatible prospect, they can send an email and begin an online dialogue. This form of communication may lead to further dating in person. I agree with Janelle about how this can eliminate or filter out certain turn offs immediately without the person ever knowing. This would seem to protect or spare any hurt feelings. Although I am not sure about online dating services personally, I have browsed through profiles to take a look at what is posted to see if I would find anyone who would meet my expectations. I tend to be a little cautious and suspicious about the candidates posted because they could be luring you to meet them in person. It usually seems to be a disappointment; typically the picture posted isn’t accurate and is not very realistic. I think it is best to be careful in whichever way you choose to find or meet people in general. I also like that you can describe exactly what you are looking for and it weeds out any potential candidates that would not by your type. As long as the postings are honest and legitimate, it could possibly speed things along and save people from wasting their
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time. It could also eliminate any awkwardness that might surface due to some turn off or character flaw such as smoking. I like that you can state that you are interested in non-smokers, it illuminates the smokers from contacting you, or at least it should, this does not always work. The flip side is that you post your profile and someone pretends to be a person you described, and later you discover he/she is not even close! That is the risk you take, this risk applies in any situation. I would think that the percentages of men going on a date from an online activity would be just as high as women or higher, perhaps the self reports are not accurate. Self reporting is not always accurate for several different factors.
The general consensus of all the blogs is that this particular article was interesting and slightly anticipated. I agree, as interesting as the blog might be, it does not surprise me. In this day of age, internet communication is at its peak. Majority of communication is done through email or test messaging. Even now instead of writing papers for class, we are posting blogs. Everything has become computer-based, so why the dating scene wouldn't be played out online as well? Of course people could still seek sexual relations or a committed relationship in a more conventional way, such as cocktail parties and blind dates, but the accessibility of cyber communication is too tempting. Therefore, the percentage of men and women who have admitted involvement in cybersex chats is not surprising.
What would be surprising to most people are the percentages of married people who engage in cybersex patterns. After this course though, it does not surprise me too much. It has been established in previous chapters that men and women do seek out extramarital relationships. The reasons could be the same as Albright had suggested, such as dissatisfaction in the marriage. This does seem like the likely culprit, but I agree with most of the people that have posted on this blog stating that curiosity could very well be the biggest factor. Seeing the massive accessibility of internet communication, and the overwhelming sense of curiosity seen in human nature both add up to the high numbers of people engaging in cybersex.
As far as leaving the cyber world and engaging in physical behaviors in the real world, this is the sad realization that one's curiosity will sometimes not be able to stay at a distance. I think one of two things will happen for people who engage in cybersex relationships: (1) the individual will push the limits of an online relationship and will not be able to have the same prior enjoyment and will proceed to a real world physical relationship, or (2) the individual will grow come to a realization that this cyber relationship is not a committed relationship and will end it. For married individuals, these two options serve as a very crucial decision. In the first option, the married individual will proceed into a physically cheating relationship; in option two, the married individual realizes her actions in the cyber world are disastrous for the marriage she finds more important.
I thought the percentages for individuals who had been to or were active in personal sites were not all that surprising, with the exception of the 27% of married individuals who used personal sites to display themselves online to individuals who are looking for romantic relationships. It is also surprising that heterosexual married individuals were most likely to be searching for serious relationships through personal sites. I would naturally assume that individuals who are single would be more likely to be searching for relationships. I think a reasonable explanation is that the married individuals are unhappy with their spouse and are looking for an "out", but it is still shocking that there are so many more unhappy married people looking for serious realtionships than there are single people looking for serious relationships. The reason may be that many unhappy married individuals, rather than communicating with their spouse about difficult issues, look for an alternate partner which allows them to avoid dealing with their relationship problems.
While reading this blog, a question remained in my mind. I wonder what the average length of marriage was for the participants. From this, other questions crossed my mind. Where the participants younger or older? How old were they when they got married? Has their partner ever had an extramarital relationship? It would be interesting to go into greater detail about how these items affect their perspective on visiting internet dating sites. Surprisingly, the heterosexual married couples were more likely to be searching for a serious romantic relationship than the other participants. Another detail that would be interesting to study more is how the participants defined a serious romantic relationship. Given that the numbers of actually meeting more than one person in ‘real life’ was rather low, it would also be interesting to find how long the participants have been using the dating sites to find people.
Toward the end of the blog, a good point from the author is stated. It probably does not matter if these individuals were looking for a partner on the internet or not because if the internet did not exist they would still be searching in other ways. For some reason these individuals feel they are missing an important aspect in their current relationship and have a desire to fill the space.
The results of the study presented in this blog were very interesting to me; many of the results were not what I would have expected. It took me off guard that typically more women (though only a slight more than men) had tried to pursue a relationship with a person they had met online. I figured more men would be likely to actually meet somebody in person that they had talked to on the internet. I also thought that more men would use the internet as a means to find casual sex and more women would use it in attempt to find a serious relationship. I suppose this is largely due to our society's general idea that men think about sex more often and find it more important than women. This is not necessarily the case but it is what society often states. I was most shocked that married individuals were more likely than singles to be looking for a relationship. I predicted that singles would be most likely to be looking for relationships, followed by divorced people, and then married individuals. I imagined that the married individuals were mostly using the internet to just gauge the sexual interest of others in themselves and as sort of an ego boost. I did not think that most would want to pursue those further. However, I guess if most of the married individuals were experiencing problems in their marriage, the results make sense. Regardless I found the blog to be very interesting and relevant to today's times.
I was really shocked by how many married individuals searched the web for lovers. I was surprised that married heterosexuals were five and half times as likely to be on the search for a serious relationship compared to single people. If I had to guess I would have said that they were more likely to look for a one night stand and no “strings attached.” But then the article did state that these people are looking for someone to leave their spouses for.
When I was in the Navy I knew several single guys who used internet dating. Most of the guys actually did start relationships with the women. I have also met several guys who met their spouses through the internet. Military men and women use internet dating a lot because they are usually in unfamiliar areas and work long hours, so internet dating is convenient.
I used to work as a dispatcher and many of the guys would check their eharmony pages at lunch. It was quite interesting. Most of the guys did connect with the women, and unfortunately, I had to hear about it the next day. I was in alpha company, and I was one of three girls in a company of over 200 guys, so I heard a lot stuff that isn’t worth repeating. I am lucky that I met my husband in “A” school, so I have never had to use a dating website. From what I hear, it is very popular among young people, so I am sure that these statistics will change in the next couple of years.
I was astonished by the statistics related to married individuals searching in the cyber world. I guess I had always considered the cyber-dating scene to consist only of single individuals who had an extremely difficult time finding other single individuals to have a healthy long term relationship with. Yet, the study discussed in this posting, shows the cyber scene much differently. There is a very large group of people simply looking for casual sex or a discreet affair rather than a committed relationship. This astounds me, especially as I hear so much about how it is “so hard to find a decent guy” or the ever present “I just want to settle down with someone”. Are people lying to the world? Or maybe, are they just so lonely that casual sex and discreet affairs will sustain them? Even worse, are they telling the truth? Maybe our society has become that nonchalant that sex means nothing more than immediate pleasure with no lasting significance.
Then there is the subject of married individuals searching for committed relationships online. This idea is absurd. I believe that if you are that unhappy with your marriage then you should go to counseling or find some sort of help. It seems that these individuals are just trying to weasel themselves out of their marriage. I understand that a marriage is a constant struggle, but you have to fight to keep something that you promised you would. The concepts of sex and marriage have changed so drastically over the past couple decades, that it blows my mind to hear of individuals so casual throwing away a marriage or engaging in sexual promiscuity.
This article was very interesting to me and I would have never guessed what the evidence about online sexual dating revealed. It was somewhat shocking to me the amount of married people who participated in online dating despite the fact that they are married. When I first started reading it amazed me the amount of people who actually logged onto this type of website but then as I kept reading I was even more surprised at the amount of married individuals that actually met in person with someone they met online. I guess I might just be sort of old fashioned but I think that this is very, very wrong. If you are married you have made a commitment to someone and I think you should stick to that. The whole concept of cheating especially on a spouse makes me sick. I have been cheated on by two different guys and I will tell you from experience it is a horrible feeling. I will never ever cheat on anyone because I know how awful it makes you feel. I think that if my spouse cheated on me, with a person on the internet or in real life, I would be devastated. The internet is a very good thing sometimes but at other times it is a bad thing that causes people to do bad things. Fifty years ago when the internet wasn’t around I would be willing to guess that divorce rates were way lower. One reason that makes me think this is that the internet was not there for people to get online and cheat or to look at internet porn and things like that. That could be wrong, but I bet it has an impact. If those sites weren’t there issues like this probably wouldn’t be around.
This post was very interesting to me in that I did not expect the outcome of the study at all. I thought a majority of the men and women on posting and browsing on these websites would be single or divorced. That was not the case at all. Although I do not feel that it is right for a married individual to do so, I can also try to understand as to why exactly. I think that these individuals may feel as if this can be an escape from their current relationship or because they are just curious. If they happen to find someone they find more intriguing than their partner, they may not feel so alone leaving their relationship because they have found someone else. I do think that everyone deserves to be happy but being brought up from a very religious family, I don't think that it is right for married individuals to be doing this, especially behind their partner's back.
In a way, I am not at all surprised about the results of the test. I would figure that married persons who were dissatisfied with their relationship and they would want to find something exciting and new that makes them feel good.
I do understand that singles go on these sites to find “someone”, whether it be for physical relations, or for a commitment. However, there are a lot of married persons who are unhappy in their relationships who need a way to feel special. Finding someone who makes the person feel special, loved, exciting, etc is at the top of a persons list. When you feel in a rut, down in the dumps in a relationship, a person needs to find something that makes their lives turn around.
I also agree that someone who goes on these sites may need to find someone as a reason to get out of a bad relationship. They may not feel confident enough about themselves and their abilities to survive on their own. I also think that a lot of times in this scenario, many women especially jump from one bad relationship to another because they do not give the new relationship time to grow before jumping in to something serious.
This is interesting, as I have known people who have gotten onto these sorts of sights just for fun as well. I think that the prospect of finding a person probably seems fairly remote for a lot of people, but interest compells them to look anyways. It is interesting that more than half of the individuals who get on these sights actually end up meeting people, and even more than ¼ of the married people who got on them met at least one person. I think that part of all of this could be the possibility of picking and choosing a person to meet without the necessity to have to meet the person face to face. If you want to break it off with them it would not be so difficult. It would also seem to be a place where a married individual might meet people without the fear of getting caught.
The fact that so many married people might use these sights compared to unmarried individuals reflects, to me, that an individual who is single would more likely be on the site for the sake of fun and interest, while a married individual for the sake of discretion. It is also interesting that such a small percentage of people actually ended up in committed relationships. This seems to further the idea that most people probably get on these sorts of sites out of simple browsing or interest, and not so much out of the desire for a committed relationship.
Prior to reading Chapter 14 “Adults – Challenges & Decisions” my knowledge and understanding about sex in the cyber world consisted of information I had gained from the media and its exposure of the perils involved when allowing oneself to be vulnerable in the cyber environment. The motivations that I perceived individuals to have for communicating with potential “cyber” partners online were, therefore, deviant behaviors and motivations. I stayed away from the cyber environment for personal relationships I did not know.
The information in Ch 14 gave me a new perspective in which to view the phenomenon of sex in the cyber world as rather intriguing. In some respects, this cyber environment has the potential of being a “healthy” alternative for people lacking in their real-world intimate relationships. Perhaps further studies will reveal sex in the cyber contributes positively to one’s overall health and well-being because it nourishes the deficiencies a large percentage of real-world intimate relationships have – the Swiss-cheese effect.
Research shows that human beings need the same things from intimate relationships -- ongoing involvement and substantial knowledge & understanding of one another. Perhaps these cyber “connections” fill the holes in our real-world intimate relationships and nullify our desires to leave/flee it; representing Albright’s relatively small proportions of the survey participants who actually connected with their cyber partners.
Sexual cyber relations have the potential to fulfill an individual’s needs for effective intimate behaviors that their real world relationship lacks. Websites provide the opportunity for individuals to reveal themselves to others (one another) and to respond emotionally if their real world relationship partner avoids sharing of those emotions. You will not be effective in developing an accurate and positive understanding of your real-world partner but you can “patch” that hole with what you receive from a cyber partner, allow your cognitive abilities to spin their wheels, and the possibilities remain endless for engaging in more frequent and gratifying exchange.
Chapter 8 discusses the superior cognitive-behavioral abilities we have as human beings. Our imaginative processes are highly capable of generating the imaginative play, anticipatory fantasies, memories and dreams if we are able to locate these imaginative cues via cyberspace; thus, never leaving our homes and our primary intimate relationships.
For example, I have a family member who is middle-aged, divorced, father of two, who was recently devastated by the sudden break-up of a seemingly intimate relationship (his perspective). I encouraged the use of cyber-dating. Following my lead, his location in southern California (densely populated) within 24 hours lured >200 “hits” from interested partners living within a 5-mile radius of his home.
The desire for positive emotions relating to physical intimacy and sexual involvement can be found in cyberspace with a touch of keyboard and solidify one’s reasoning for keeping the old PC (personal confidant) and instead, upgrading to high-speed from dial-up. Use with caution.
Sex in Cyber World becomes Sex in the Real World
The findings of the study conducted by Julie M. Albright regarding men and women seeking relationships through the internet were quite surprising to me. The statistics supporting high numbers of married individuals seeking relationships online were astounding. Shockingly enough a higher percentage of married individuals actually ended up meeting an online date in person than did the single individuals. I support the online dating community as an inventive way to meet new people; however, I have never and will never log on to an online dating website or any other equivalent to seek out potential love interests. I am curious if the study inquired anything about simple curiosity related to logging onto online dating websites and if so, the breakdown of percentages of married, divorced and single individuals who did log on due to curiosity. I believe that men and women in unsatisfying marriages are far more likely to seek out affection and attention through means of online dating due to the anonymity of the internet, but I am unsure how to discourage it.
I found this information very interesting. I am a single, divorced mom that has signed up for a few single sites. I did meet someone one on one of the sites, but needless to say it did not work out the way I wanted it to. I find that most of the free single sites are only for people looking to “hook-up” or have sexual chats. I have known people that have signed up for the sites you pay a monthly fee and have found success in them. I think that a lot of people use singles sites because it is easier to chat with someone online rather than in person. I personally find it easier. It surprised me on how many married couples are members of the sites. Although if you are not happy in your relationship this might be the easiest way to find a new partner or a “hook-up”.
This post was an interesting one. I was surprised to hear that so many married individuals logged in to dating sites but after thinking about it, it seems logical. Not only could they be engaging in this behavior in order to "test the waters" but its also possible that they have no intention to end their marriage and are just seeking the feeling of being wanted and online dating sites provide a fast and easy way to achieve this feeling.
I found this blog to hit a very controversial topic. Personal ads on the internet are a growing business, and seem to be flourishing within our society. Social networking is an easy way to meet people with the same interest as one’s self, and the statistics are surprising when it comes to married couples going on the internet to find romantic/sexual partners other than their spouses. I would have guessed that the majority of people who social network for romantic/sexual pleasure would have been unmarried or divorced men, but it seems that women, statistically speaking, seem to be logging on more often than that of men to find a romantic/sexual partner. For a married person to log onto a website and to make a profile for others to view in the hopes of finding a partner there must be something not right in the marriage to begin with, and if there is something wrong in the marriage people should not be getting on the internet to fix it. The cyber world can be a complex world and can lead to many dangers, especially if there is any type of sexual connotation involved. When looking on the internet to find a sexual partner one might not know the past of the person they are contacting. If they do set up a meet and greet, how safe are they really going to be if they have never meet this person before except for on the internet? People can write anything and say anything that they want on a profile, but it is with real human contact that one can only truly know who a person is. Cyber sex leading to real sex can be very dangerous and I would caution any person who is considering to attempt this type of way to meet people. Statistically speaking, it seems that the majority of women are taking this risk and hoping that it plays out well for them, and it is a scary thing because being sexual active one puts themselves at risk for sexually transmitted disease, and not knowing a person’s past before having sexual relations with them can put you at an even greater risk. Reading this blog and learning the statistics of what really is going on is concerning and I would once again caution the step from cyber sex to real sex.
I find the numbers very interesting within the topic of people who had profiles on sites advertising their attributes to others who are interested in meeting someone for a romantic or sexual relationship. The number of people who are married and are on such sites is quite high to me. That mean a big portion, maybe not the whole 27% of married people on these sites, are cheating on their spouse. I am sure that there are cases where both individuals in the couple are involved or even where the person who is on the site only goes on there for something to do out of boredom or other reasons.
The numbers of people who met and had casual sex are low; I would have guessed them to be a lot higher than that. When I found out that five and a half times more married people were on the sites looking for serious romantic relationships verses single people, I was completely shocked! That seems crazy to know how many people are in relationships that are actually looking for new, different romance. I think it is totally unethical for people to be on such sites looking for new partners whilst in a relationship. My thought is for one to get out of the relationship if it is not working out for them, and then search on the sites for your new mate if that’s your preference.
This post is an interesting one and one that also ties in with a later post about the marital disenchantment very well. In the last paragraph the point that the married individuals who were using these sexually oriented personals sites were dissatisfied with their current relationships and that was a precursor to them creating their profile on the site. This point is kind of foreboding to all those who are excited about marriage and life-long monogamy in my opinion because it gives you the raw facts that the possibility of your spouse looking for an extra-marital partner is very real, and for the most part, fairly common. I would have assumed that these personals sites were set up for single people to find mates and that the number of married or committed individuals would not be significant at all. However, upon reading the statistics, I was proved wrong. So my question then becomes, with so many avenues available for people to pursue when they become disenchanted with their current relationship, what is going to become of the traditional idea of marriage in the coming years as technology becomes more and more of a staple of our lives than it already is? I have heard marriage sometimes referred to as the "7-year itch", but will it become even less than that in the recent future?
I found this study to be very interesting. The surprising aspect was the percentage of married individuals that got on to these sites. Also reading that a quarter of the married people in this study were online looking to see if anyone was interested in them was a little disturbing. It is hard to imagine that of all the married people I know it is possible that a quarter of them are online chating with others for a relationship or fun.
Another part of this study that surprised me was that women were more likely than men to go out on a date and engage in casual sex with someone they met online. Before I read this study I assumed that men would be more likely to meet with people they were in contact with online.
It is understandable that most of the married individuals that are doing this are unhappy with their relationships and go online to see if anyone else is interested in them. Most of these marriages would have probably failed over time anyway. Also I wouldn't think that too many happily married people would date others on the side for fun. In the study it said that married couples are five times more likely to be looking for a serious relationship. That gives further evidence that the married couples that are chating with other people are not happy and want out of their current relationship.
I found this study very interesting. I have heard of and have many friends that have begun relationships over the internet and carried them out in person. One friend in particular has an older sister that was married for about 5 years. After having their second child her husband began working more and she said she felt alone. She began to chat with people over the internet in various chat rooms. After a while she began a friendship with one man in particular that lived about 2 hours away. After about 6 months of conversing, they decided to meet up “for coffee”. After the first meeting they began to see each other on a regular basis, but in a platonic way. About a year after they met, she finally decided that she was unhappy in her marriage, and simply told her husband she wanted a divorce because she had found someone else (similar to the article that states how many married people will test the waters while still married, and how many of the married couples will use their new internet relationship as a reason to get out of their current marriage..). To make a long story short, she ended up divorcing her husband and marrying the man she met online.
The most interesting part of the study for me was how single people are more likely to post personal pictures of them self. To me that sounds like the married people go one there with intentions that they might be ashamed of therefore don’t post pictures for fear of getting caught.
It does not surprise me that married couples would go to the internet to find someone to have an affair with or someone to meet up with. There has been an increasing trend in using the internet to shop for potential sexual partners. I was watching a television show not long ago where one spouse would talk about finding sexual partners on a website designed specifically to find someone to have a sexual affair with. Every member on this website was either in a serious long-term relationship or was married.
I do find this data very interesting but not very surprising. Maybe one of the reasons for divorced individuals to use the internet as a dating tool instead of seeking other individuals out in person would be because of rejection. Communication on the internet, most times, is more impersonal than communication face-to-face with someone. It is easy to click on someone’s profile and decided right away from their picture if you find them attractive. Then send them an e-mail expressing your desire to get to know them better. But if that person does not reply you can shrug it off and go about searching again. If an individual was out in public and meet someone that they were interested in they have to possibility of seeing the other person’s reactions to them when they express an interest in wanting to get to know them better. As many know this would be very discouraging, making dating online more appealing.
I also think individuals use the internet as a dating tool because it allows them to connect with other individuals that do not live in the same town or may share some unique interests. A person can be a little more choosey on the internet because there are a variety of people to search. I personally believe that this method of finding sexual partners and long-term relationships can be very dangerous. But with the development of technology people are change and find other means to connect with others. Humans are after all social animals and what better way to connect with others than a system that allows a person to reach the other part of the world.
It does not surprise me that married couples would go to the internet to find someone to have an affair with or someone to meet up with. There has been an increasing trend in using the internet to shop for potential sexual partners. I was watching a television show not long ago where one spouse would talk about finding sexual partners on a website designed specifically to find someone to have a sexual affair with. Every member on this website was either in a serious long-term relationship or was married.
I do find this data very interesting but not very surprising. Maybe one of the reasons for divorced individuals to use the internet as a dating tool instead of seeking other individuals out in person would be because of rejection. Communication on the internet, most times, is more impersonal than communication face-to-face with someone. It is easy to click on someone’s profile and decided right away from their picture if you find them attractive. Then send them an e-mail expressing your desire to get to know them better. But if that person does not reply you can shrug it off and go about searching again. If an individual was out in public and meet someone that they were interested in they have to possibility of seeing the other person’s reactions to them when they express an interest in wanting to get to know them better. As many know this would be very discouraging, making dating online more appealing.
I also think individuals use the internet as a dating tool because it allows them to connect with other individuals that do not live in the same town or may share some unique interests. A person can be a little more choosey on the internet because there are a variety of people to search. I personally believe that this method of finding sexual partners and long-term relationships can be very dangerous. But with the development of technology people are change and find other means to connect with others. Humans are after all social animals and what better way to connect with others than a system that allows a person to reach the other part of the world.
Though the numbers and statistics in this post seemed very suprising at first, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The fact that married people are more likely to meet someone in person whom they initially met online is shocking before looking at the facts. In addition to what was said about married people be looking for a possible way out or finding a potential spouse just in case, I believe that the general characteristics of someone who is married is a factor. If someone is married, it can generally be assumed that they are at least somewhat social. They went out into the world, found a partner, made a commitment, and so on. However, for many single people, it may be possible that they are single because of certain characteristics, such as lacking social or communication skills. Because of this, it makes sense that they may feel more comfortable only speaking to someone else on the internet, and not being willing to meet with them in person. This can clearly account for the discintion between only speaking with someone online, and wanting to be with someone in person.
The blog “Sex in Cyber World Becomes Sex in the Real World” examines the frequency that people participate in personal internet sites. Participants in the study (using a survey method) were asked if they had every viewed erotic images or video online and what might effect if any it had on them. The survey also asked if they had ever discussed sexual topics online, whether they had met someone in person, and whether they had sought long term relationships with those they had met online. The survey showed that a little more than half of men and women had logged into a personal site. Of these people 43% of women and 46% of men had created a profile with a photo of themselves on the site. Those that had never been married or were divorced were more likely to post a photo of themselves on these sites. However, those surveyed that were in fact married created a profile and posted a picture 27% of the time. This is a slightly higher number than I expected, which leads me to believe that about a quarter of people who are married are not fully satisfied in their relationship. Of those that are married, 36% reported that they had met a cyber acquaintance in person at least once. 30% of those who are married had met two or more individuals in person. The study concludes that married individuals were five and a half times more likely to look for a serious relationship compared to their single counterparts.
These numbers reflect other studies that married couples often have trouble in their relationships, and engaging in these sites may be a possible solution to their marriage disenchantment. Perhaps these people are becoming bored in their relationships and are seeking a life of fantasy, thus are engaging in these secret relationships. The internet provides a fast and easy way to meet other people. What one does with these contacts is completely up to them, and their spouses. With divorce rates in the United States at an all time high this study should not come as a shock to some. However, I wonder what would happen if people spent as much time working at their relationships as they do browsing these sites? I propose that couples would be happier, and would not use these sites as a vessel to release their marriage disenchantment.
Some people nowadays have turned to the cyber world to look for love for different reasons. For some individuals, this kind of dating gives them more options. Generally, it is more acceptable to date online that it was even ten years ago. This allows people to be pickier about who to date. Instead of dating individuals close to his or her hometown, an individual can date someone halfway around the world if he or she chooses. On the flip side, older individuals may use the internet as a way to date because it allows them to connect with more people in a shorter amount of time. In other words, is their internal clock ticking? That being said, if not used in the right way, the internet is a dangerous place. Does this make it more attractive for some people? Does it give dating an element of danger to dating that he or she would not be comfortable with if it were face to face? Does the fact that only 17% of women and 11% of men met the person’s with whom they chatted support this notion?
Why do married individuals engage in online dating? I think a proportion of married people who are unhappy with their marriage and go on a personals website may be reassuring themselves that they are still attractive. In other words, if a person is interesting in him or her, that means that he or she has a shot at dating if the marriage ends. This gives the person a gateway for divorce. That being said, the individual may not be interesting in actually dating online.
If the Albright experiment was comprised of 75% men, it is hard to generalize the findings. So, I am using caution interpreting the results to the real world. Also, I used caution because a voluntary survey was used. In other words, are the people that responded significantly different from the people that did not choose to respond? For instance, these people had enough computer experience to take the survey on MSNBC’s website. Therefore, are they more likely to use the internet for dating? I also liked that the article mentioned that over fifteen-thousand people took the survey. Another aspect of the study was that it was a questionnaire. Simply answering a questionnaire does not necessarily give the full picture of what an individual is going through at the time. The study and the findings may have been more convincing if the responders were brought into the lab and interviewed. I feel that much more can be drawn from this type of response.
Life is extremely busy in today’s world. Work for a typical American could easily consist of a sixty hour week. Parental duties are squeezed in between business meetings and deadlines. If those responsibilities haven’t worn one out, there are always household chores. Finding the time to have a relationship can be difficult but finding a long term partner may seem even more overwhelming. Finding a mate online offers more choices than traditionally have been available. It can be an empowering opportunity for one who is returning to the dating scene from a long absence.
In response to Austin’s blog, one must be careful to think that sites like Match.com as well as the more deeply involved site, E-harmony are only for finding love. When there is a price to be paid for a membership, it attracts the more educated, although that does not mean that sex isn’t what they are after. Finding a potential mate on line is equal to meeting someone at a bar.
The internet allows those who are not being honest with themselves an easy avenue to deceive others. Last summer I met a man on E-harmony, he claimed to have a PHD in religious studies and a masters in engineering. He was obviously well educated but something did not feel right; I have learned to ask numerous questions to get the real story. On the third date, it was revealed that he was married. He said I never asked him that is why he did not tell me. The internet offers a great deal of opportunities for whatever one is looking for, although it is imperative to keep one’s eyes wide open. Safety must be a priority. It is important to understand why and what one is seeking online and most important to be true to oneself.
The blog was intriguing to me because I have met someone who met their current spouse on an online website. From a public stand point, they are very happy together for having met through the internet to then forming a relationship that has lasted over 5 years. From personal experience, I have noticed that my friends 25 and over tend to be the ones with a profile on these websites rather than under 25 who go just to check it out.
I found it very interesting that married couples have been known to visit or even create profiles on these websites. Some married couples go on there looking for a way to get out or a replacement from their marriage is just mind boggling. I wish I knew peoples thought processes for going on such websites when they are married. In my eyes, marriage is a very big commitment, and those people are making it seem like a normal relationship.
It does not surprise me that single people tend to get more casual affairs out of these websites because they probably do not take these websites as serious. Married or divorced people see it as a more discreet way to get back out on the market. Single people tend to go out to bars more to look and are not afraid to approach a stranger in a scene like that, where I’ve had divorced friends tell me it is hard to get back in the game.
I have had in a bar a married man approach me, and he seemed to be sweating a lot. Upon, finding out he was married with 4 children I figured out why he was sweating profusely. He was in a small town bar where everyone knew him and his family, and he was there trying to ask me on a date. We actually had a phone chat outside of the bar because I was furious with him; yet I wanted to know his thought process. He explained to me that he did not know why he approached me other than there was something intriguing about me, but that he had never done such a thing before. Before that night he had always been faithful to his wife even though there had been no spark for a while, and he said that the night he met me something changed in him. I have not spoken to him since that day, but I always wonder if he finally cheated on his wife or took my advice to either work on his marriage or get out before anyone got truly hurt.
When I look back on this experience I can see why married people would go to a website if they are serious about finding someone else for long term, short term, or a one-time thing. The only thing I do not understand is how meeting someone through the internet can be so alluring. People can lie about who they are, which can make it to be dangerous. To meet someone through a website means you have to be very trusting about what they say about themselves. Modern technology does help, in that, this day in age there are webcams. Maybe because I am under the 25 mark I prefer to meet someone in person rather than ‘shop online’.
By: Rachel Marley
many people consider cyber relationships as cheating. I personally don't feel that way. I don't think it's cheating until it crosses the line of personal face to face contact. To me, cyber sex is just another way to have a fantasy, which everyone does. Much like wathing a porn movie. It's exciting to think about someone else satisfying our needs, but if you never let it become reality then it will never become sex in the real world.
At first, as I was reading this article, I was shocked at the amount of married people who are looking for new committed relationships online. However, after thinking about the numbers for a moment I began to understand why it seemed so daunting. The fact that the article reports 63% of married people in their survey have communicated with someone on a personals site through e-mail and another 63% have met in person with an individual from a personals site makes it seem as if the majority of married people are being unfaithful to their spouses. Contrary to how this seems, it must be remembered that the article also mentions that only 27% of married people have created personal profiles with pictures. Taking this into account, it seems necessary to incorporate all the statistics together into a neater package, perhaps by stating that 63% of the 27% of married individuals who have created a profile have met in person with someone from a personals site. Reported in this way, it seems as if fewer married couples are being unfaithful.
Another reason why I have come to the conclusion that the findings of this study are not surprising is that I began to think about all the people I know and it dawned on me that I know several individuals who have been married and met someone else online. Though this is not scientific research, the statistics seem quite plausible in hindsight.
On a completely different topic of discussion, Albrights conclusion that married people who are unhappy are using these sites as a way to see if anyone else would find them attractive or interesting seems to be an accurate assumption. It is likely that some married individuals have been married for so long that they are afraid of being alone and are afraid that no one else in the world would accept them or be interested in them. For individuals like this, online sites provide a safety net or comfort zone for them to explore. While they are unhappy in their current marriage, if they choose divorce and cannot find another person to be with, they are afraid they will continue to be just as unhappy. For them, being in an unhappy marriage is better than being unhappy and alone.
I find this study to be very interesting to say the least. I am very astonished by the results, especially when it comes to the married individuals. I did not think that 63% of the married people in the study would actually meet up with someone they met on a personal website. It is not surprising to me, however, that 27% created a profile with a photo. I personally know three people who have been in the same situation but they did not go any further than an online relationship. Although I do not agree with it, I feel like some married individuals who are unhappy in their relationship turn to the Internet in order to find someone they are compatible with and who they can relate to. My Aunt used to create profiles on many dating and personal sites when she was going through a divorce. Sometimes it seemed like she was just so desperate to find someone to replace her soon to be ex-husband. These types of individuals may be trying to put a little more “fun” back into their life if their married life is becoming boring. By talking to somebody online who shares a lot of similar qualities with an individual, he/she may be able to open up more, which can very easily develop into a relationship, whether or not it is intended to. They turn to somebody who may be able to make them happy again. I would think a relationship like that would remain online and annonymous but apparently I was wrong after reading Albright’s post. In regards to Kim’s post, I completely agree that it is best to say that overall, 63% of the 27% of married individuals who have created a profile with his/her picture online, have also met face to face with someone from a personals website. This statement makes more sense than it does to separate all of the different findings. Obviously these married individuals are not happy in their relationship so even without the Internet, I think that they would have found a way to get out of their relationship with their spouse one way or another. Online personal sites are just an easy and convenient way of meeting singles, or in this case, unhappy married individuals, looking for some fun.
The first thing I noticed about this article was the statistics. It made me slightly uncomfortable. I can’t believe there are such an overwhelming percentage of married people who are looking for a different committed relationship. The only thing that I think would be responsible for this is, as mentioned, unhappiness. I believe people have a natural desire to be happy, and if they aren’t they will do whatever they can to make themselves happier.
Curiosity might be another reason I believe. People love sex and to some it might get boring having it with the same person for the rest of their lives. Would you want to eat that same red skittle for the rest of your life? I don’t think so. You will see a yellow one and be curious to its taste. I know it seems horrible to make this connection. But do you see where I am coming from? I am not saying that all people are like this either. It is more than likely just a select few.
I can’t seem to figure out why singles are less likely to go along with casual encounters through online sex/chatting sights. It would seem to me that they would be the most likely. Wouldn’t an online partner be able to fill that void in their sexual desires? Perhaps they are less likely because they desire personal encounters first. A married couple might see personal encounters as failed attempts. This might make them potentially more likely to show interest in such sites. A single person might not get results right away and not see online sex sites as a success so they regress to personal encounters.
I think this issue is interesting one. I didn’t not know that there are so many married people who get on this sites looking to find someone. As I saw in some of the other comments made by others students that if a married couple is having troubles they should get help. What I don’t like is the fact in today world it is ok to just leave a marriage and find someone new. When you get married it’s for life and if troubles come up then they need to work them out. If the problem is that they are not happy with their marriage as in sex it does not give them a right to cheat. I feel that this happens a lot more then what is reported many people will not come out and say they do it. I also feel that even if you don’t meet the person, but are in “relationship” over the internet and are married or in a “real” relationship it is cheating. This is just other way that our society has made an easy out for people who are in unhappy relationships. Many with married people they say they are not in love anymore or the fire is gone. If this is the reason then they need to work on it. No relationship is perfect you will always have ups and downs. If you really love the other person then you will work it out and make it work. I think our society has made it too easy for married couples to get out of marriage.
This research is distressing but unfortunately a somewhat accurate representation of our ever growing technical generation. I have encountered countless relationships that have ended or been extremely damaged due to numerous sexual and social networking sites. Although the research shows that men and women in committed relationships and marriages are more likely to login to these sites I wonder what their true intent or reality of the situation is. Are those that said they have accessed these sites or gone as far as making actual contact also being dishonest in other aspects of their lives. Such as flirting with someone at work and asking for numbers. I say this because the internet dehumanizes and desensitizes real life situations. If not, maybe they are more comfortable accessing these sites than cheating because they don’t feel the attachment of real human contact therefore, it doesn’t feel like they are really cheating. Not to say I agree with this because it is still deceitful but I can understand how some might engage in this behavior for the hype and excitement and still feel honest in their day to day lives. In many aspects chatting and emailing doesn’t give you the connection of actually talking or seeing someone. Even if you know the person your chatting with the computer makes it impersonal and unrealistic. I think there is a distinct difference between those that just access these sites and those that take it further, to actually meeting or having an affair.
I find it very interesting that more married people are using internet sources to find sexual partners. I wonder if it is because they have fewer opportunities to go out and find the other sex in more traditional ways. One of the problems in that situation though, is that talking online is more easily detectable to your spouse which can more problems than what are already there; assuming that you agree with what the majority of people believe, that people look for different sexual partners when they are unhappy in their own marriage. I think that there could be another reason for the high percentages of married people engaging in cyber sex or dating. There is a possibility that some of these married people are in open relationship or are swingers and are actually participating as a couple in looking for other sexual partners, it may not be based on intermarriage problems, but based on intermarriage sexual desires, fantasies, or voyeurism.
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