Most individuals enter into relationships and marriages assuming–probably hoping and praying–that their’s will be one of the fortunate ones that will survive–not just survive, but flourish and provide them with endless enjoyment and fulfillment. Some, if not many, probably worry, secretly or otherwise, however that the relationship will not live up to their dreams, and they will be trapped in a tortuous, conflict-riddled marriage or maybe a dull, boring shell of a relationship. You’ve probably heard of a spouse being referred to as “the ol’ ball and chain”. Possibly, this is where the experience of getting “cold feet” right before a wedding comes from for some people (social psychologists refer to this as post-decisional regret).
Yet, is boredom with one’s marriage really an important factor in unhappiness later in the relationship? Irene Tsapelas, Arthur Aron, and Terri Orbuch (2009) examined this issue in a recent study published in the prestigious journal of the Association for Psychological Science, Psychological Science (you may remember that Aron, along with Elaine Aron, developed the model of love and sex employed in Chapter 9 of the textbook). They note that most research on romantic relationships and marriage has concentrated on reducing conflict and tension; these are the types of issues that couples are likely to seek counseling from therapists for.
However, Tsapelas and her colleagues observe that research based on the general public–rather than research based only on troubled couples seeking professional help–has identified the lack of excitement in relationships as another important problem. They conducted a very well-designed study to test the hypothesis that boredom actually predicts less satisfaction in a marriage 9 years later. The manner in which they conducted the study strongly suggests that earlier boredom is a forerunner of later marital dissatisfaction.
Earlier theory by Aron and Aron (1986) proposed that the closeness of the couple is an important factor in relationship quality. In the initial stages of a relationship, excitement is hypothesized to result from rapid development of closeness, or intimacy, within the relationship. Yet, the development of closeness typically can be expected to wane as the individuals become more intimate and achieve a high level of closeness. Consequently, closeness is a third factor that Tsapelas and her colleagues took into account. If excitement declines, closeness can be expected to decrease as well, negatively affecting the quality of the marriage as reflected in the level of dissatisfaction.
One strong point of the study is that the researchers obtained responses from 123 married couples as they applied for marriage licenses in the Detroit area; this is a relatively large number of participants, which strengthens confidence that the results are reliable (this means that similar results are likely to be found with a second group of couples that is at least this large). Another important issue is that the same group of couples were followed over a 16-year period, making this a longitudinal study. Such a technique allows researchers to get an idea of how earlier factors (e.g., boredom and lack of excitement) contribute to later outcomes (e.g., relationship satisfaction); the logic is that, if a condition precedes an outcome, and the two are statistically correlated, then the proposal that the early factor influenced the later outcome is credible.
The couples were invited to participate in the study if they were entering their first marriage, were of the same race, and the wife was younger than 35 years. All Black American couples who met these criteria and a random sample of eligible White American couples were invited to participate; 66% consented. At the end of the first year of marriage (Year 1), the wives were on average 23.93 years old and the husbands were 26.38 years old.
The couples responded to questionnaires 7 years into their marriage (Year 7), and then again after being married 16 years (Year 16). Boredom was measured using the rating, “During the past month, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut (or getting in a rut), that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?” (Often, sometimes, rarely, never). Satisfaction was measured with the rating, “All in all, how satisfied are you with your marriage?” (Very satisfied, somewhat satisfied, somewhat dissatisfied, very dissatisfied). A third factor, closeness, was measured by having participants select one of seven pairs of circles that overlapped to varying degrees to indicate the one that best described their marriage (greater overlap of two circles represented greater closeness in the marriage).
The results revealed that boredom measured at Year 7 was related to less marital satisfaction in Year 16, as the researchers had expected based on Aron and Aron’s theory. Beyond this, also as expected, Year 7 boredom had an effect on Year 16 satisfaction by way of its negative effect on closeness at Year 16 (that is, Year 7 boredom was negatively associated with Year 16 closeness). This means that boredom earlier in a relationship likely chips away at the sense of closeness between the individuals over time, leading them to become less satisfied as a consequence. However, dissatisfaction at Year 7 was not associated with greater boredom in Year 16, which strongly indicates that it is boredom that affects satisfaction over time, rather than satisfaction affecting boredom.
(By the way, the researchers statistically controlled for a number of possible complicating factors in looking at the relationship between Year 7 boredom and Year 16 closeness and satisfaction. These were level of satisfaction in Year 7, amount of tension and conflict in Year 7, race, gender, and whether the husband or the wife reported the information. This means that these factors cannot be considered influences on the boredom-closeness-satisfaction findings.)
Logically, increases in closeness and intimacy cannot be expected to continue to provide excitement and intrigue in later years of marriage, because eventually couples will become as familiar and close as is possible. So, what might account for some couples being able to maintain or increase closeness over time such that satisfaction remains at high levels? Some couples in fact did not become bored, instead maintaining their sense of closeness to one another into the sixteenth year of marriage. Tsapelas and her colleagues point to research that demonstrates that generating excitement in other ways such as engaging in novel and challenging activities together, as a couple, can spark renewed interest in the marriage. The excitement of the stimulating activities can become associated with relationship, keeping it vibrant and stimulating.
This suggests that marriage counseling should focus not only on coping with conflicts and negative emotions. It should also provide strategies for increasing the positive experiences in relationships. Sharing the spice of life may provide that needed spark to marriage and romantic relationships.
Aron, A., & Aron, E. (1986). Love and the expansion of self: Understanding attraction and satisfaction. New York: Hemisphere.
Tsapelas, I., Aron, A., & Orbuch, T. (2009). Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later. Psychological Science, 20, 543-545.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
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